Last night, I saw the person that ranks ‘Top 5’ on my list of ‘Weirdest/Strange/Gross/Cringe-Worthy Encounters with Strangers’.

Ok, so…back in ’08, maybe ’09…. I assisted at a weekly open mic. This one night, I had to greet people at the door and collect the money because the other support staff went…let’s just say M.I.A. for sake of argument. That part isn’t mine to tell. Anyway…

So, the show is moving along and this dude walks in. We greet; he pays, sits at the bar near me and eventually strikes up convo. He’s a LOT full of himself, keeps flashing his fronts and talking about his money, whilst giving major hand motions so I can see his fancy watch and pinky ring. He keeps calling me “baby girl” and peppering his conversation with street/drug lingo—I guess so I’d understand how “trill” he was.

Meanwhile, one of the regulars (let’s call him fake bae) that would come out to the shows was sitting at the other end of the bar getting pissed because it looks like I am having the best time laughing with “trill one”, when really I’m just entertaining myself since I’m stuck at the door.

Anyway, I’m popping gum, half-listening to whoever is on the mic, playing on my phone, giving eyes to “fake bae”, and pretty much patronizing “trill one”. I’m giggling my ass off, not because he’s funny to me at all—but the conversation I was having in my head, along with”fake bae’s” quiet, but obvious (to me) tantrum was enough to keep me entertained for a few. A couple of latecomers slide through; I greet, collect the cover and head to the restroom for a quick break.

I get back to the bar and “trill one” is finishing up his drink. By now, my gum is beyond stale, so I put it on my finger and ask dude to pass me a napkin. He grabs a napkin, turns and asks me for a piece of gum. “This was my last”, I said while holding up the finger with the “ABC” (already been chewed) gum stuck to the tip. “Gimme that then”, he says. A brief pause so I can process what might be about to happen. Is this guy serious? Is “fake bae” watching? This guy doesn’t know me from Adam! All this and likely more is going through my head. And now….I need to know. Well, not really need…. but…yeah, why not? I chalked it up to research, extended my finger and basically gave him the look of dare. Did I mention that I’d never met this guy before?

It happened so fast. He moved in close, opened wide, and glided the ABC gum off my finger, into his mouth, started chewing and smiling like a Cheshire cat. I was…. stuck for a second. I glanced around to see if anybody else saw it. Then, reality sunk in and I got nauseous, plus my finger started itching. It was probably all mental, but still…. I power-walked to the ladies’ room and washed my hands. I get back to my seat and ABC gum guy is still chewing that stale ass gum like it’s life. The show is almost over, but I’m all in my head trying to figure out who might still be up that late on a Tuesday night that I could call to talk about the creep shit I just participated in. Scratch “fake bae” off the list, considering the very business professional handshake he gave me after telling me good night and calling me “Miss Popular”as he was leaving out. Aww…

ABC gum guy walked me to my car, asking if we could exchange numbers. I declined–all things considered. Plus, I was celibate and took that incident as a sign reaffirming my choice.

 

Yeah, saw that guy last night while bartending. I had a giggle…to myself.

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